Couple both earn $110k, woman expresses disappointment when he demands to split the cost of her birthday dinner: 'This is gonna be a bigger bill than I thought'

A woman had been with her partner for 8 years and recently celebrated her 30th birthday. They both earned the same decent salary, and she had taken him out for a meal when it was his birthday.

Her partner had gotten her a costlier gift than she had wanted, and then proposed that they go to a high-end steak restaurant to celebrate her birthday. She felt some concern about the cost and felt disappointed when he asked her to split the bill partway through the meal. She felt like she was always worrying about when he might unexpectedly ask her to cover an expense.

Fiancé wanted me to pay for a portion of my birthday dinner

_{shigotoshigoto}

My (30F) and fiancé (36M) have been together for 8 years. Financially, we split our bills evenly in our joint account, but presents for Christmas, birthdays etc are from our own accounts. We both make about 110k a year.

On our birthdays, we take each other out. For his birthday, we went for wine + Italian which totaled to about $180. I got him a book which brought the total up to $210 ish.

For my birthday, I expressed wanting a USB to store some extra photos. He ended up getting me a hard drive on his own accord which was costlier. I felt bad about the cost, but was happy to receive the gift. He also made a reservation to a fancy steak restaurant I’ve been wanting to go. Again, I was excited but expressed a bit of concern at the price.

We go and vibes are good. We both order a drink and just 1 appetizer to share between both of us. I let him decide on the steak and said I was fine with something smaller.

After placing our order, he says: “This is gonna be a bigger bill than I thought, maybe we could charge some of this to our joint account?”

And at that point, I kind of just stop talking. I just felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. It kind of ruined the rest of the dinner and I was on the verge of tears.

We had a talk at home and I said I hate how I feel like I’m feeling nickel and dimed. I’m not the girl to expect her partner to pay for her, and I told him he should know that by now, that I’d look at the bill and try to get him back the next dinner or would’ve offered to pay on my own accord.

We had a discussion, I cried a bit, and we’re just digesting things alone right now.

AIO?

The fact that you both make over 100k each and are paying that much attention to a once a year dinner is crazy. I think I’d feel hurt if that happened to me.

_{amandalovesdachies}

I literally cannot even imagine worrying about this with my fiance, let alone when you both make decent money.

_{InnerspearMusic}

Between the two of you you're making 220 grand and no one can afford a steak dinner? C'mon.

_{morethan-lessthan}

NOR, but this should be something you both should be fully settled on 8 years in.
If money is genuinely an issue, why don’t you both decide to go to places you can truly afford to buy the most expensive thing on the menu? Regardless, this is your future if you go through with this marriage, so heads up.

_{cherryreader11}

NOR You've been together for 8 years, so it's surprising that he would not splurge on one meal for his number one person. Does he have massive student loan or credit card debt? If he hasn't done this before in 8 years it's very concerning because it's signaling that he either can't or won't treat you to a one time special meal and gift. You need to know before you get married if there are any secret debts(!!!) that you don't know about or if he's really such a spendthrift that he won't do even a little more than half for his loved ones and future family. Will it mean you have to do more than half of the child rearing when he decides he's done his half? You need to figure this out BEFORE getting married or you're always going to be the one doing more than half when the chips are down.

_crfgee5x